Politically Correct

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George Carlin
Picture courtesy of entertainment.ie

On YouTube I was watching a videos where people were getting “triggered” (the new PC correct word for getting “pissed off”.) for various reasons, being called fat, skinny, sexy, man, women, gay, faggot, stupid, having idiotically political ideas, just plainly acting and thinking retarded. Then I remembered George Carlin talked about this. George was thinking and it is too bad, he still isn’t around, to remind us on how retarded we all can be. Enjoy…


In an earlier book “Brain Droppings”, I wrote some things about politically correct language. But I left out a few areas. I neglected three important groups of people who have had this awkward dishonest language inflicted on them by liberals. I only had those who are crippled, ugly or stupid and so, to adjust these earlier omissions, I’d like to make a brief return visit to that playground of guilty white liberals, political correctness.

Political correctness is America’s newest form of intolerance and it’s especially pernicious because, it comes disguised as tolerance. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people’s language with strict codes and rigid rules. I’m not sure that’s the way to fight discrimination. I’m not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. Therefore those among you who are more politically sensitive than the rest of us may wish to take a moment here to tighten up those sphincter muscles, because I’m going to inject a little realism, into the dream world of politically correct speech especially the words we use to describe one another.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that when the politically correct liberal rule makers decide to rename a group of humans they view as victims, they begin by imparting a sense of shame, to the group’s existing name, and so somewhere over the years the word crippled has been discarded. No one mentions cripples anymore. That’s because in yet another stunning attempt to stand reality on its head, cripples have been assigned a new designation, “the physically challenged”.

The use of “physically challenged” is an obvious attempt to make people feel better. The idea being, as long as we can’t cure these people let’s give their condition a more positive name and maybe it’ll distract everyone. Its verbal sleight of hand. The same is true of the ungainly phrase “differently abled”. I believe that if a person is going to insist, on using tortured language such as “differently abled” then he should be forced to use it to describe everyone. We’re all “differently abled”. You can do things I can’t do, I can do things you can’t do. Barry Bonds can’t play the cello. Yo-Yo Ma can’t hit the curveball. They’re “differently abled”. It should be explained to liberals, patiently, that crippled people don’t require some heroic designation. It’s a perfectly honorable condition. It appears in the Bible. Jesus healed the cripples. He didn’t engage in, rehabilitative strategies to improve the conditions of the physically disadvantaged. Can’t these liberals hear how unattractive this language is? How poorly it sits on the ear?

Personally, I prefer plain descriptive language. For instance, and this is a suggestion that will bother some people. But I’m serious about it. Why don’t we just call handicapped people “defective”? You know? We don’t mind talking about birth defects. We don’t flinch from that. We say Gunther has a birth defect. Isn’t that a concession to the fact, that people can be defective? Then what would be wrong with calling those people “the physically defective”? At what point in life does a person with a birth defect, become a person who is “differently abled”? And why does it happen? I’m confused.

Then there are those who don’t quite measure up to society’s accepted standards of physical attractiveness. The worst of that group, are called ugly. Or at least it used to be. The PC lingo cops have been working on this too. And to demonstrate how far all this politically correct evasive language has gone, some psychologists are actually now referring to ugly people, as those with “severe appearance deficits”. Okay…? “Severe appearance deficits”.

So tell me psychologist, how well does that sort of language qualify for, “being in denial”? These allegedly well intentioned people, have strayed so far from reality, that it will not be a surprise, for me to someday hear a rape victim, referred to as an “unwilling sperm recipient”.

Back to ugly. Regarding peoples appearance, the political language police, already have in place, one comically distorted term. “Lookism”. They say that when you judge a person, or rather size them up, “wouldn’t want to judge someone, that would be judgmental”. If you take their looks into account, you’re guilty of “lookism”. You’re a “lookest”. And those valiant people who fight “lookism”,  many of them unattractive themselves. Tell us that one problem is, that in our society those who get to be called beautiful, and those who are called ugly, are determined by standards, arbitrarily set by us. Somehow there’s some fault attached, to the idea that, we the people, are the ones who set the standards of beauty. Well we’re the ones who have to look at one another, so why shouldn’t we be the ones who set the standards? I’m confused… I would say the whole thing was stupid, but that’s my next topic. And it would sound like a cheap transition.

So. Stupid. It’s important to face one thing about stupidity, we can’t get away from it. It’s all around us. Doesn’t take a team of professional investigators to discover, that there are stupid people in the world. Their presence and its effects speaks for itself.  But where do these stupid people come from? Well they come from American schools. But while they’re attending these schools, they’re never identified as stupid. That comes later, when they grow up. When they’re kids, you can’t call them stupid. Which may be contributing to the problem. Unfortunately, kids stupid or otherwise, come under a sort of protective umbrella we’ve established. That prevents them from being exposed to the real world. Until at 18, their parents, spring them on the rest of us, full-grown. There “are” stupid kids. And I do wish to be careful, how I negotiate the minefield of the “learning disabled” and the “developmentally disadvantaged”. In other words, “those with special needs”. All of these being more examples of this tiresome and ridiculous language. I just want to talk about kids who are stupid. Not the ones with dings.

One of the terms now used to describe these stupid kids is “minimally exceptional”. Can you handle that? “Minimally exceptional”. What happened to the old reliable explanation? The boy is slow. Was that so bad, really? The boy is slow. Some of the other children are quick. They think quickly. Not this boy, he’s slow. It seems humane enough to me. But no. He’s “minimally exceptional”. How would you like to be told that about your child? He’s “minimally exceptional”. Oh thank God for that, we thought he was just kind of, I don’t know, slow, but minimally exceptional! Wow! Wait until I tell our friends.

Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language, and is generally stupid. I haven’t quite finished this section, I’m sure I needn’t remind you, PC people, that the Opera isn’t concluded, until the full-figured woman offers her vocal rendering. I know, I really had to strain to get that in. I’m thoroughly ashamed. But before I leave this section, I wanted to make the point, that on a practical level, this language renders completely useless, at least one perfectly good expression… In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Becomes… In the kingdom of the visually impaired, the partially sighted person is fully empowered. Sad, isn’t it?


Doesn’t George make a lot of sense?
Here are my musings on PC terms.

This whole PC world is bordering on 1984. You should be able to say or think whatever you like. As long as you don’t physically hurt someone… getting tired of the you are hurting my feelings… What a bunch of babies we have running around… Grow up! Apparently the schools and parents stopped teaching this…

“Sticks and stones my break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

Now if you say anything, they want you fired, publicly shamed and I’m assuming the next step will be pillared in the town square. SJW’s will push for death penalty for “Hurting their ears from listening to thoughts that don’t align with theirs and you hurting their brains by having them trying to process a rational or logical true meaning of freedom of speech.”

Being required to Use certain words or acknowledge different genders is absurd as well as having to call a him or her a her or him.

Person of Color
Even though skin color doesn’t matter, it’s an easy way of identifying a person’s looks. It’s basic human nature to qualify things into basic categories, so what was wrong with terms like black or white or whatever color or ethnicity? Calling someone a “person of color” is way more offensive in my book, especially because it assumes or designates people into two distinct categories: whites and non-whites. What about other races? Isn’t politically incorrect to leave them out?

Thought Shower
I don’t even see why this politically correct term exists. I would classify this one as retarded. Oops… I mean mentally challenged… NO, I changed my mind… retarded. “Thought shower” has apparently replaced brainstorm as the word for creative thinking. Brainstorm supposedly offended people with epilepsy, although a survey found that 90% of epilepsy patients were not offended by the word. A thought shower sounds like the wimpiest brainstorm session ever and should be used to describe what we should do to the person who came up with this. Give them a brain shower. I mean frontal lobotomy. Or remove their Hippocampus and then they can relive the day they came up will that brilliant idea everyday.

Little Person
The term “little person” randomly popped up within the past decade to describe someone suffering from dwarfism. That type of non-descriptive wording makes me think of someone who is shorter than average or possibly even a child. What’s wrong with calling someone a dwarf? Thanks to popular culture, dwarves are seen as jolly and lovable.

Ample Bodied
We could all probably stand to lose a few pounds, and realizing we have a weight problem is the first step to fixing it. However, we’re so concerned about offending each other that we come up with new terms for fat. Obese was one thing, but now the politically correct term is “ample bodied.” Anyone described with this wording probably needs to spend a good amount of time on the treadmill. At the rate we are going now, 90% of the world will be fat, when I was growing up In the town I lived in and the neighboring town there was only 5 fat people. Go anywhere now and you see that many every minute.

Hir and Ze
For whatever reason, the English language never included gender neutral versions of he, she, him, or her. And why is that? Could it be… There are only two genders people. Because of this apparent dastardly oversight, people have been forced to say “his or her” and “he or she” to remain politically and grammatically correct. Some people are now taking to saying “hir” instead of his or her, and “ze” instead of he or she. Those are not words. Everyone already says their and they, so just keep things simple and make those correct. But who gives a crap, what they want to be called… Next thing you know, they will want to be called your royal highness.

Undocumented Workers
It’s amazing how the government is afraid of offending people who are illegally living in this country. Because of the uncontrollable influx of illegal immigrants in the United States, these people are now known as “undocumented workers.” That’s fine as long as I’m allowed to give up my citizenship and start making tax-free money with no consequences and collect food stamps and welfare. And the whole legal vs illegal immigrants and refugees ignorance… I’m still dumbfounded on why they can’t comprehend the difference between the two words… or how you are legally allowed to enter the US. We should force them all to try and enter into another country without any documentation and see how long they are allowed to stay.

Pet Guardian
Kittens and puppies are really cute, but that doesn’t mean that we should elevate them to the same status of a person. An animal is still an animal, and as far as I’m concerned you own something that you buy. Unfortunately, animal rights activists are fueling the change of pet owner into “pet guardian.” I love my dog and have spent over $8,000.00 in veterinarian bills, not to mention $150.00 for the required “training class” and $200.00 to “adopt” her. I’m her owner, not her guardian.

Follicly Challenged
I’m not sure how many people really say this, but “follicly challenged” is an overly nice term to describe baldness. If your hair is thinning, just man up and accept the natural aging process. Or visit the Hair Club. Don’t try to make this undesirable condition sound any better than it really is.

Queer
The LBGT community seems to have chosen “queer” as the preferred word to describe themselves, but I don’t understand why. Queer denotes that someone is strange and weird? Basic terms, like gay or lesbian, are much more descriptive and aren’t the offensive slurs that they used to be.

Sanitation Engineer
This politically correct term is more of a joke, but “sanitation engineer” is still absurd. The job of a garbage man has absolutely nothing to do with going to college and getting an engineering degree, as he just drives a truck or throws trash into the back of one. This wording  devalues the mental hard work that goes into becoming a real engineer and devalues the physical hard work of collecting garbage.

Snow Figure
Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this gem… Roll up three balls of snow, add some buttons, and stick on a carrot nose, you get a snowman. If you want a snowwoman put a dress or a purse on it. You don’t get a “snow figure.” This new politically correct term is meant to be gender neutral, but it sounds like you’re creating some grand work of art instead of messing around in the backyard. It’s just getting more and more retarded… What’s next? Gender neutral food?

Motivationally Dispossessed
If you needed any more proof that politically correct language is too nice, then consider the term “motivationally dispossessed.” This wording makes being lazy sound like a clinical disorder. If you’re feeling lazy, the cure isn’t in a pill, you just need to get up off the couch and do something. But then they would also need to get off welfare and food stamps…

Here are ones I have collected off the internet for your enjoyment….

Dirty Old Man:
Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.

Perverted:
Sexually dysfunctional.

Panhandler:
Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.

Serial-Killer:
Person with difficult-to-meet needs.

Lazy:
Motivationally deficient.

Fat:
Horizontally challenged.

Fail:
Acheive a deficiency.

Dishonest:
Ethically disoriented.

Clumsy:
Uniquely coordinated.

Body Odor:
Nondiscretionary fragrance.

Worst:
Least best.

Wrong:
Differently logical.

Ugly:
Cosmetically different.

Unemployed:
Involuntarily leisured.

Short:
Vertically challenged.

Dead:
Living impaired.

Vagrant:
Nonspecifically destinationed individual.

Spendthrift:
Negative saver.

Stoned:
Chemically inconvenienced.

Pregnant:
Parasitically oppressed.

Old PC = New PC

conservative = reactionary
The Establishment = White Power Elite
hearing = person temporarily aurally abled
sighted = person temporarily visually abled
blind = visually challenged
mute = vocally challenged
dead = metabolically different
alive = temporarily metabolically abled
ugly = aesthetically challenged
rude = politically correct ™
psychopath = socially misaligned
bald = follicularly challenged
non-white, non-male = oppressed
white = melanin impoverished/genetically oppressive
white = male oppressor
black = african-american
asian = asian-american
afro-american = african-american
pregnancy = parasitic oppression
janitor = sanitation engineer
dish washer = utensil sanitizer
dairy = where cows are raped
ranch = where cattle are murdered
egg ranch = where hens are raped
biology department = where animals are tortured and then murdered to fulfill the sadistic fantasies of white
male scientist lakeys of the imperialistic drug companies
fishing = raping the oceans
farming = exploiting mother earth
paper bag = processed tree carcass

Many of the labels from the 80’s are now passe. Here is a partial list of the denotations that are now acceptable (all labels are subject to change without notice).

old / 80’s / 90’s

deaf / hearing impaired / aurally challenged
blind / sight impaired / visually challenged
retarded / mentally handicapped / mentally challenged
queer or gay / homosexual
fat / big boned / alternative body image

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